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Dollhouse Minis: http://joannesminis.blogspot.com


18” Dolls: http://joannes18dolls.blogspot.com/


General Crafts: http://joannes-place.blogspot.com/


Cooking: http://joanne-kitchen.blogspot.com/





Also if for some reason I can't post I will try to give a head's up on the Facebook page so check there too.

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

Way off topic

Let's talk about where I have been for the last couple of years and what that really means for videos and tutorials in the future. The topic I want to talk about today isn't really mini related and it isn't a topic people like to talk to about. A lot of people just brush it under the table and try to pretend it never happens. But we need to change that mindset and have a dialog.

I know from the messages I have gotten that many of you have been worried about me and so I am going to address this.

Honestly this is a hard post to write. I'm not sure how to proceed here. I have written so many drafts of this post and promptly deleted them all. I just can't find the words to say what I want to say. So be patient if this does ramble a bit.

So our topic of the day is depression. I have suffered with/lived with depression for many years. It first started at least 20 years ago maybe closer to 25 (or more) and it has always been the dark shadow in the corner of the room for me. From time to time I would contemplate suicide but it was something that was a fleeting thought.


For whatever reason my depression got much worse over the last couple of years. To the point that 6 months ago I was very close to killing myself. I didn't follow through but I wasn't getting any better either. Then in January of this year I actually acted on the thought. I did stop myself at the last minute but I do carry a scar from that day.

It was at that point I decided I needed to make some drastic changes in my life. I had sold my house back in November of last year and was planning to stay in the area. I had always lived within the same area all my life.

Then in March I got really sick and had a lot of time to really think about my life. I realized that the area I was living was packed with memories that were causing my depression to just get worse and worse. I was running into a lot of people that had done things that had caused me emotional harm over the years. I decided I needed to make a drastic change.

So when I got over being sick I packed everything I could take with me into a Uhaul truck and moved from Oregon to North Dakota. I said I needed to make some drastic changes in my life.

A few things that I have noticed since the move are that for the first time in decades I am actually happy! I hadn't realized how long it had been since I was happy until I was again. It was a shock at first.

I have been here for almost 2 months and I am settling into my new life. I also realized a few weeks ago that the nightmares that used to have on an almost nightly basis are gone. I haven't had one since I moved.


So what does all this mean for my videos/tutorials. I do plan to be back in time. I think it will be a long while before I am able to jump in with weekly videos but I do want to start doing at least some videos. The schedule I was keeping became way too stressful and right now I am trying to limit stress. Also while the majority of people that comment and contact me about the tutorials are wonderful there are those that seem to be on YouTube just to be nasty and mean. Those are also something I want to avoid for right now anyway.

On the other hand I didn't have room for any of my dollhouses in my moving truck so I really want to build a dollhouse soon. I do need to get the extra bedroom set up as a craft-room/filming room.  I will be back even if it is slowly.

I do apologize for basically ignoring all of you the last year or so. I just couldn't handle it for a while.

So you can expect to see very slowly coming back in the future.

Now for any of you that are also in the same head place I was, talk to someone you can trust. That is the first step to getting better but also the hardest step.

Stay safe and happy and I'll see in the next video (or blog post)

16 comments:

  1. Having planned suicide multiple times and tried several times, I can understand where you are coming from. Depression can be horrible beast to live with. I am so glad you are doing better. I know cutting ties with the family I was raised in was the thing that helped me the most, so I get that removing yourself from people who are toxic to you can be the best thing for your healing. I hope you are doing better and continue to do so. Rusty in MN

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  2. I spent a couple of years in a bad depression, so bad that my therapist called it a near catatonic depression, along with severe anxiety. I was later also diagnosed by a psychiatrist as having PTSD with major anxiety disorder. I did not think about suicide, but in a way that has always surprised me. I am so much better now, once I decided to take control and eliminate those people in my life that were making things worse for me instead of better. Anyway, I can relate to a lot of what you have been going through over the last couple of years. It was during my bad stretch that I found your videos, and actually started building my dollhouse and for the first time in a while, getting excited about something. So, thank you. Sending you some virtual hugs and peaceful healing energy. I look forward to your return.

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  3. Depression is hard to deal with - been inflicted with it for more years then I care to count, I am so happy for you that things are looking up. You are a very brave person for moving (up and literally) Sending hugs

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  4. It is so sad to read what you've been going through, but I'm glad you found your way to come out of your troubles.
    There are hundreds of fans and followers like me, wishing you safety and good health.
    Grateful for your generous tutorials and looking forward to seeing more of your wonderful work.
    A warm hug,
    Drora

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  5. You have been through hell and back. You are a strong woman. Packing up and leaving worked out. So good for you. Emotional problems are so hard. From the outside people can 't see your struggle. Thank you for your honesty. I hope you have someone to talk to in your new hometown.
    Making blogs and video's are for fun. So don 't fall into the trap of feeling you have to do one. Make them when you feel like it. A big hug

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  6. I love all your videos but first and always first take care of you. My mother always said that charity begins at home and if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anything else. You are a strong person for explaining your illness and as someone who struggles with a different type of a rare illness, I commend you on educating us about your own. Do what you need to do and take your time. Sending healing energy to you.

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  7. We are with you. I also suffer from depression. It's insidious and it's painful. Please take care of yourself. We love you. We miss you. Since you are thinking about minis already, I would love to learn how to do a cement sidewalk. See? I've given you something to ponder. Reach out. We are here.

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  8. I am sorry to hear about what you have been going through. I must tell you that your posts came at a low time in my life, so thank you very much. I will pray that God gives you strength and you stay happy.

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  9. CHANGE IS inevitable and as scary as it is at times it can also be exactly what the doctor ordered so GOOD ON YOU, Joanne! You are a wise and brave woman to have taken a BIG STEP FORWARD exactly when you needed to! :D

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  10. I am sorry to hear of your depression and the toll it has taken on your life, but commend you on taking the steps to get happy again. So great to hear that you moved somewhere new and things are looking good for you. You have always been an inspiration with your projects, so I look forward to seeing what you dream up - in your own time of course! Take care of yourself.

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  11. I too understand depression and the black hole that waits for you now and then so completely understand every word - not that it helps but it sometimes is soothing to know how many people are walking the same path and that you aren't 'nuts' or self-indulgent' or a gazillion other things that may be said by others or thought by you. It is a problem not of your making. All we can do is try to work out what helps and what doesn't. You seem to have found a major answer and I am so glad you are doing well. In your good times, like now, take pleasure in the knowledge that you have many friends rooting for you even if they are virtual ones..... it doesn't actually make us any less real. Baby steps forward into the light.

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  12. I'm late to the party, but I have bipolar and I've been there. I wish you the best and hope your healing continues. 💖

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  13. Once we open up about our depression, it seems that we really are not as alone, as we may have thought. That you were able to fight for yourself and find your way speaks to your strength and courage. Your tutorials are invaluable, especially to beginners and judging from the groups that I follow on Facebook, building dollhouses has helped many through the pandemic. They are calling their projects their Covid houses. You are one of my "go-to" sources. We look forward to your return.

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  14. Depression is an on-going struggle.
    Thinking of you and wishing you well,
    Valerie

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  15. I am so sorry to comment so late. I follow your page on Facebook and you just popped up on there for me. I am so glad you are feeling better, I hope you have continued on feeling better. I really enjoy your videos. Your videos helped me out of an extremely difficult time in my life. While you were struggling so badly your videos were out in the world lifting me up. I hope that can bring you some joy. Thank you for being here for us. I'm sending you all my love.

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  16. I love youand am glad you are in a better place!

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